Barrister Parvateesam

“Tell me at leisure about your country, your customs, your marriages, and all the background that leads up to them. Don’t be afraid that I’ll rush you off to church from here in a hurry,” she said.

“There’s no such fear, madam! I only said this is all new to me, not that I’m a coward! Perhaps, in time, I might get used to these luxuries, but I do worry whether I might get carried away beyond that. Besides, these decisions and their consequences are not entirely in our hands,” I replied.

So, for a long while, she lay in my lap, fiddling with the buttons on my coat, pinching my cheeks, while I stroked her curls and spoke of my homeland, our marriage traditions, and customs. We sat thus for quite some time, and then, calling it a night, I got up. Right there, we embraced and kissed, and then set off for home.

Even after returning home, I felt no inclination to read anything. A peculiar restlessness, a strange anxiety, began to stir within me. What is this state? Is it proper or improper? For a long time, I wrestled with these questions.

This is a habit instilled in me by my father and elders since childhood. Whatever the task, they would always say it’s necessary to weigh the pros and cons, to discern what is right and wrong, to consider the consequences and benefits before acting. That habit has become ingrained in me. Whether I am qualified to make such decisions or not, I do my best to follow this approach. Sometimes, this tendency is a bit troublesome, but on the whole, I think it serves me well.

As I reflected, it felt as if the girl who spent the evening with me was still sitting there within me. Her words from earlier, her latest remarks, her touch, her form, her gaze, the fragrance her body left behind—all these mingled together and cast a kind of intoxication over me. My independence, my imagination, all seemed to have deserted me. While she was in my lap, I couldn’t think of anything at all. This whole experience was entirely new to me. In our country, young men of my age rarely have such experiences, do they?

It’s been nearly two years since I arrived here, yet I haven’t become even remotely close to any girl of my own age. Now and then, the neighbor’s daughter would come over, play some mischief, and once or twice, either she kissed me or I kissed her—purely in the spirit of childish playfulness, nothing more. I would immediately forget about it, never feeling any further excitement or emotion.

But with this girl, I find myself unable to remain calm. I’m in a state where I can’t even guess where this is all heading. I have no idea what her intentions are. Does she simply wish to seize whatever pleasure she can whenever the opportunity arises, or is she trying to provoke